Suffering and Art

Introducing a new series

I am a breast cancer survivor. And the suffering associated with this disease and its treatments has understandably spilled over to my art. How can it not? 

While I love creating landscapes, which serve as a delightful escape from life’s trials and tribulations, less seen is my art based on the suffering I endured as a young breast cancer patient and as a survivor. A years-long project for me is the portrayal of breast cancer devastation, oppression, and suffering. For a lengthy period of my life, I became obsessed with the young female nude because there is something about being young, female, and nakedness that shows young women’s vulnerability when dealing with such a debilitating, deadly, disfiguring disease. 

I do realize that men and women of all ages get breast cancer, but my art series focuses on suffering as a young woman, which has been my and many others’ experience. And I believe that many – whatever their medical circumstances – will relate to this art. 

My breast cancer-related art lends voice to the issues of young women who suffer from breast cancer, the destructive path forged by toxic cancer treatments, and the emotional suffering in the wake of breast cancer. 

Some people are uncomfortable when I discuss real issues such as infertility and facing possible death at a young age. People tell me I should be grateful. After all, I was so lucky to adopt my daughter in spite of chemo-induced menopause. And I got to live. So I should be happy. 

Truth is, I live a content life and know how lucky I am to have my daughter. However, some individuals don’t understand why I’m still “fixated” on breast cancer and its aftermath after all these years. 

Some people, many of whom never faced such a life-threatening and life-altering event, feel so moved to negate and stifle my sorrow and PTSD. So when I share my writing about the breast cancer experience from a younger person’s perspective, these individuals try to reassure me by reminding me politely all that I have to be grateful for. 

I am grateful, but I don’t need others to remind me to be grateful.

By diminishing my reality, people do more harm than good. And while these people state they only want me happy, the fact is, they are uncomfortable with the truth of breast cancer.

And this is why my art series is so important. I’ve painted a good number of nudes years ago based on a nude figure class I attended when I was grappling with body image. I’ve given some of the nudes to my friends. I have three nudes in my possession, but I will be adding to the collection for ultimate display in a forward-thinking gallery willing to portray and embrace breast cancer’s truth.

Here is one of the series, titled Dear God. 

It was inspired by the time I was first diagnosed and cried alone in my parked car a lot. One dismal evening at a train commuter parking lot in the evening when I returned from work, I was crying and praying. I had no idea what I was praying for. Suddenly, I felt God’s presence and realized that whether I lived or died, I’d be in the arms of my creator. At that time, it was a moment of acceptance, reassurance, and comfort, whatever my fate. Of course, such emotions were fleeting and the next day I found myself scared shitless and crying all over again.

But I will always remember that night, in my car alone, parked at that commuter train station, forging a connection with God.

I think I’m done with figure-drawing classes. Instead, I bought a small wooden manikin that I will be sketching from and ultimately creating the female form on canvas. That is my hope in creating medical-themed art: to lend voice to the breast cancer experience from a young woman’s viewpoint.

I will still be sharing landscapes and other kinds of art, of course,  but over time, I will be adding more to the series and sharing them, as well.

Stay tuned.