Oh Beth, this really resonated with me. I had a horrible hospital experience when I had surgery for a pre-cancerous growth when I was ten years old, and it left me with a lifelong fear of hospitals and deeply mistrustful of doctors. I also remember it triggered my first experience of depression which I had no understanding of at that age. It is only looking back on the experience now that I fully appreciate how profoundly our earliest healthcare experiences can shape us.
I'm so sorry you had that awful experience at the hospital and with the doctors. These experiences as children trigger us, and our fears and discomfort around medical personnel can last a lifetime. I wish the pediatric profession -- and the medical profession as a whole -- would understand the importance of treating patients with the respect they so deserve.
Oh Beth, the second Arizonascape is so much better and, yes, more vibrant. I'm not a painter, but you added depth and more dimensions with the darker brown. A great improvement!
And as to your terrible experience with pediatricians who think they are God's gift to children, your daughter must have been traumatized. But she had you, thankfully, to help her get through it. We do the best we can as parents and you have modeled great strength to her. This is a great molding influence, parent to child.
I so appreciate your comment here. Thank you for your kind words about my Arizonascape. I am trying to improve, and I am enjoying the process of learning and trying out new techniques.
I so appreciate your support regarding the demonic pediatricians. Yes, my daughter is still traumatized. As parents, all we can ever do is our best. As we both know, being a parent is such a tough job. We try our best, and we as humans do some things right and also make mistakes. Parenthood is a challenging landscape. Thank you, friend, for your insightful input. ❤
I can’t believe the doctors behaved that way with you and your daughter! This is not just non-professional behavior by the doctor, it’s abusive! I’m so glad you ‘fired’ them. I think many doctors have a ‘god’ complex and feel they are all knowing and powerful over their patients. What they need to be is in partnership with the parents of their patients. It should be a supportive team. I understand they need to be on the lookout for abuse, but I think their methods would be scary for those children, abuse in itself.
I love how you painted the grass in your new watercolor! More colorful and feels looser like the wind is blowing. One thing I learned in watercolor class was to let the white of the paper be a color in and of itself. Like painting the sky around the clouds? Wet into wet? Don’t know if that makes any sense.
Yes, so many physicians do have a God complex, and they somehow feel that it's OK to dish out abuse because of their power in relation to their patients. I am in the process of writing complaint letters. Even though I doubt anything can be done to alleviate such abuse, I know it will feel good exposing the abuse going on in these offices. The medical system is so broken in this country.
Thank you for your kind words about the grass in my watercolor. I think my new-found brushes helped me loosen up! I never learned about allowing the white paper be a color. I'm so glad you let me know about this. Also, I know what you're saying with wet into wet as a way of creating clouds by creating the sky. I've seen artists on YouTube doing this, but I've been nervous to try this. You just gave me the courage to do this soon. I'm learning so much from you, my friend and fellow artist!
By the way, you had mentioned in last week's post about quality watercolors. I know about Winston & Newton, but what are some other quality watercolors?
Oh my goodness Beth, I'm so sorry you had those experiences, the doctors behaviours in all these instances is appalling and just can't imagine that would happen in the UK. Generally up to the age of 16 the parent accompanies their child to the GP and stays with them as a safeguarding measure against any malpractice from the doctor, in fact even adults can ask for a chaperone (usually a partner) to accompany them into a doctors appointment. I can remember on a couple of occasions we took our daughter to the doctors and always stayed with her...the dentist too. I know that safeguarding has to be a consideration but that works both ways and, to be honest, here any doctor that screamed at me would be reported.
I hope now that your daughter uses the experience as an opportunity to stand up for herself against any doctor who doesn't seem to have her best interests as a priority. It's great that you have creativity as a therapeutic balm and good to see you not giving up on that watercolour landscape painting. I'll look forward to seeing how it progresses.
Thank you so much for your support. I so appreciate it. I love the UK system of the parent being with the child during the visit to the doctor. And the idea of a chaperone is an amazing one.
Here in the U.S., honestly, the medical system is horrid. We have some excellent physicians here, but our insurance companies are all owned by huge businesses who wind up making so many of the medical decisions. Business has no place in medicine. Also, ironically, parents are often treated with suspicion in this country, but the U.S. is not exactly a country that cares about its children. Guns and violence run rampant in the schools.
I am in the process of writing a complaint letter. I'm sure the system won't take it seriously, but I do want these offices aware of the monsters they are creating and encouraging.
I also hope that my daughter will be able to stand up and advocate for herself in the medical system here. I think she will eventually be a great self-advocate.
I really love being a creative person, and art really helps soothe me. Watercolor has been a challenge, but it's still new to me, and I definitely am sticking with it, as well as continuing with oils.
I am so sorry to hear about this abusive treatment you and Arielle got from your pediatricians, Beth. It sounds close to medical malpractice. I do remember those days when our wonderful pediatrician (we were blessed that they were also friends and neighbors) asked me to leave the room so they could talk to my kids in private. I respected that, since I also knew that the doctor knew us, and that their kids and ours played together, and our kids felt comfortable in the office and at home. It doesn't mean everything was perfect, but it does mean there was good communication between us.
I haven't thought about that in years but, on reading your story, it seems that is a double blessing. Very grateful--and something to think about talking to my adult children about now that they have kids--and a pediatrician--of their own.
As always, glad you have your art to turn to for creativity therapy and calming.
Thank you so much, Robin. I think it's wonderful that your pediatrician was so understanding and kept the lines of communication open between the parents and the children. That is the way it should be. I totally understand that pediatricians must talk with children without their parents in the room. I get it. But like you say, what happened with Arielle seems close to medical malpractice.
Talking to your adult children sounds like a good idea. I mean, it's understandable that doctors have to keep a lookout for abuse, but that doesn't give them the right to be the abusers.
I appreciate your support. I am so lucky to be able to turn to art to help ease any stress.
There has to be a way to do a better job of taking care of young people well-being, then traumatizing them when it is completely unwarranted. I understand needing to screen for abuse, but you would think healthcare could figure out a better way, you have to wonder if they even involved child psychologists in the decision to screen like this. Reminds me of what happened recently to Pete and Chasten Buttigieg. It sounds like such a violation of your child’s right to be free from fear of being violated.
You raise an excellent point about whether child psychologists were even involved with this interrogation process. My gut instinct says that these morally bankrupt physicians did not consult with any psychological experts. And it's really interesting that you bring up the horrific incident with the Buttigiegs. They were treated horribly, and the so-called "authorities" were the ones harming the children.
What happened to Arielle was unforgivable. If I put up a fuss about her being interviewed by the doctor, I'm sure I would be suspected as an abuser. What an asshole medical system we have here.
I have found that a lot of physicians suffer from the Dunning Kruger effect or something similar to that. They develop an arrogance that they are omniscient when it comes to all things health related. I had a discussion with an ER Doctor Who thought he knew everything about prostate cancer, and I informed him of some of the latest developments in treating prostate cancer, and I could tell he was having a hard time with a nurse being more informed than he was. Most physicians should stick to their lane and refer patients out for the appropriate specialized care instead of trying to rely on their specialized knowledge to apply to other specialties. I have found this, especially relevant to mental health matters.
I so totally agree. That ER doctor probably felt threatened by you knowing some things about prostate cancer that he didn't know. Arrogant doctors -- absolutely. I've had wonderful down-to-earth doctors, but I have dealt with my share of arrogant physicians who simply don't understand -- or care to understand -- their patients.
And you are right: many of these physicians are completely unclear about mental health issues. I've had several doctors who didn't understand or make an attempt to understand why going to the doctor triggers me, someone who suffers from PTSD, thanks to cancer.
I appreciate all you contribute to this discussion. 😊
How frustrating it must be. I think many doctors are overly cautious or downright suspicious in jumping to conclusions. My sister-in-law's young son was a very active, curious child and would continue to play with such exuberance that would often result in some type of injury. One time he hurt his arm and she took him to the ER and the doctors were accusing her of mistreating him. They did the exact same thing -- dismiss the parents and talk with their son privately. It is such a shame that your daughter has such a negative view of the medical system. I truly hope she finds someone she can trust and overcomes it. Good job on the watercolor painting.
Thank you so much, Nancy, for your support. What happened to your sister-in-law's son and the parents is completely unacceptable! How dare the ER doctors for treating the parents as if they were abusers! Totally infuriating.
I cannot understand why physicians feel they can accurately assess abuse when they are biased against parents to begin with. I am hoping that my daughter will eventually warm to whoever will be her primary care physician. Thank you for your kind wishes.
Oh my goodness Beth, what you're describing here is deeply distressing! I’m so sorry you and your daughter had to endure such horrible treatment. Safeguarding is essential, of course ... but what happened wasn’t safeguarding, it was suspicion without listening, protocol without humanity. The way those paediatricians spoke to you and the fear it created in your daughter ... is not care, it's HARM! And it takes real courage to name it.
You did exactly what a loving parent does: you protected your child, you sought help when she was ill ... and thankfully you kept searching until you found a doctor who treated you both with respect. That matters. Your daughter’s trust in you ... even in the midst of her fear ... speaks volumes about the mother you are. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a little poem that may resonate when you were a young mum, "When the Bad Days Don't Stop."
And then there's that turn ... from stress, tension and paranoia to the beautiful immersive world of Arizona ... a breath of fresh air! I love how watercolours hold such tenderness and your oil version shows your eye for texture and colour. I love that you’re refusing to give up on vibrancy ... there’s something deeply symbolic and healing in that. After everything you’ve been through, you’re still creating beauty, still experimenting, still learning.
Your voice, your honesty and your art all carry a resilience that’s so unmistakably YOU! Bravo! 🙏💖👏🖼️
Thank you so very much for your support and caring. I so appreciate it. I must've missed your poem a few weeks ago, and I am so glad to have read it tonight. It really resonates with me. It is so difficult to keep going, despite the setbacks and tiring days. Your poem makes that so very clear, and I am grateful for it.
Parenting is so very difficult, definitely the most difficult job in the world, and it is made so much more stressful by doctors who are, indeed, causing harm to one's child. The feeling of powerlessness I have felt over the years has been so traumatic.
And I appreciate your encouragement with my art. I am still new at watercolors, so all I can say is I'm learning by doing. My goal is definitely to make my watercolor art more vibrant. I'm remaining patient, as I know that with more experience, vibrancy will come. And art is certainly healing for me.
Thank you for your insightful comment, as always. I so appreciate you, my friend. ❤
I've just read in your reply to Lin that you're writing a letter of complaint and I'm so pleased to hear this. Maybe add a link to this post too, if it helps? Someone needs to know that there were lifelong consequences to those hateful and horrid decisions that forces parents to wait outside the examination room. Love and light, always 💖✨💖
Hi Deborah, yes, I am working on that letter of complaint. Your idea about me adding a link to this essay is a great one, something I will definitely do!
Oh Beth, what a traumatizing experience for both you and your poor daughter. Who knew that pediatricians could be so brutalizing and accusatory! It's a testament to your perseverance and good mothering skills that you were able to skillfully navigate through these non-empathic and often hostile doctors! You would hope that these physicians would be trained to be more compassionate toward their clients! I think you present a really good lesson here for people inasmuch as if you don't like how you are being treated you can "fire" your doctor and move on. That's really taking care of your self (and being the voice for the child who more or less has no say). It's always inspiring to see how you are able to rise up in these very challenging situations and overcome the adversity--just keep pushing forward~!
I love the colors in your Arizona landscape--it brought me back to visiting that state so many years ago when I was a kid. Just gorgeous!
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. As you know, I have fired doctors who mistreated and disrespected me. I had no idea when I was going through all my own medical crap that pediatricians would be worse! They are always on the lookout for abuse, which I totally understand, but their methods of doing so are, in fact, abusive in their own right.
Before my daughter turned 18, I was careful not to report this ill behavior on the part of the pediatricians. If I dared say, for example, I didn't want to leave the room so that my daughter and the doctor could chat, I would look suspicious. And I'm sure the pediatrician would have reported me. So I kept silent.
Now that she's 18, however, I am planning to report both pediatric practices by writing a letter. I hate to call attention to the disgusting operations of these practices, but I feel I need to address this with them.
I'm so very glad you enjoy my Arizona landscape and that it could bring back memories for you. I'm hoping to revise the watercolor version for next week.
Oh Beth, this really resonated with me. I had a horrible hospital experience when I had surgery for a pre-cancerous growth when I was ten years old, and it left me with a lifelong fear of hospitals and deeply mistrustful of doctors. I also remember it triggered my first experience of depression which I had no understanding of at that age. It is only looking back on the experience now that I fully appreciate how profoundly our earliest healthcare experiences can shape us.
Hi Marie,
I'm so sorry you had that awful experience at the hospital and with the doctors. These experiences as children trigger us, and our fears and discomfort around medical personnel can last a lifetime. I wish the pediatric profession -- and the medical profession as a whole -- would understand the importance of treating patients with the respect they so deserve.
Oh Beth, the second Arizonascape is so much better and, yes, more vibrant. I'm not a painter, but you added depth and more dimensions with the darker brown. A great improvement!
And as to your terrible experience with pediatricians who think they are God's gift to children, your daughter must have been traumatized. But she had you, thankfully, to help her get through it. We do the best we can as parents and you have modeled great strength to her. This is a great molding influence, parent to child.
Hi Marilea,
I so appreciate your comment here. Thank you for your kind words about my Arizonascape. I am trying to improve, and I am enjoying the process of learning and trying out new techniques.
I so appreciate your support regarding the demonic pediatricians. Yes, my daughter is still traumatized. As parents, all we can ever do is our best. As we both know, being a parent is such a tough job. We try our best, and we as humans do some things right and also make mistakes. Parenthood is a challenging landscape. Thank you, friend, for your insightful input. ❤
I can’t believe the doctors behaved that way with you and your daughter! This is not just non-professional behavior by the doctor, it’s abusive! I’m so glad you ‘fired’ them. I think many doctors have a ‘god’ complex and feel they are all knowing and powerful over their patients. What they need to be is in partnership with the parents of their patients. It should be a supportive team. I understand they need to be on the lookout for abuse, but I think their methods would be scary for those children, abuse in itself.
I love how you painted the grass in your new watercolor! More colorful and feels looser like the wind is blowing. One thing I learned in watercolor class was to let the white of the paper be a color in and of itself. Like painting the sky around the clouds? Wet into wet? Don’t know if that makes any sense.
Hi Susan,
Yes, so many physicians do have a God complex, and they somehow feel that it's OK to dish out abuse because of their power in relation to their patients. I am in the process of writing complaint letters. Even though I doubt anything can be done to alleviate such abuse, I know it will feel good exposing the abuse going on in these offices. The medical system is so broken in this country.
Thank you for your kind words about the grass in my watercolor. I think my new-found brushes helped me loosen up! I never learned about allowing the white paper be a color. I'm so glad you let me know about this. Also, I know what you're saying with wet into wet as a way of creating clouds by creating the sky. I've seen artists on YouTube doing this, but I've been nervous to try this. You just gave me the courage to do this soon. I'm learning so much from you, my friend and fellow artist!
By the way, you had mentioned in last week's post about quality watercolors. I know about Winston & Newton, but what are some other quality watercolors?
Oh my goodness Beth, I'm so sorry you had those experiences, the doctors behaviours in all these instances is appalling and just can't imagine that would happen in the UK. Generally up to the age of 16 the parent accompanies their child to the GP and stays with them as a safeguarding measure against any malpractice from the doctor, in fact even adults can ask for a chaperone (usually a partner) to accompany them into a doctors appointment. I can remember on a couple of occasions we took our daughter to the doctors and always stayed with her...the dentist too. I know that safeguarding has to be a consideration but that works both ways and, to be honest, here any doctor that screamed at me would be reported.
I hope now that your daughter uses the experience as an opportunity to stand up for herself against any doctor who doesn't seem to have her best interests as a priority. It's great that you have creativity as a therapeutic balm and good to see you not giving up on that watercolour landscape painting. I'll look forward to seeing how it progresses.
Hi Lin,
Thank you so much for your support. I so appreciate it. I love the UK system of the parent being with the child during the visit to the doctor. And the idea of a chaperone is an amazing one.
Here in the U.S., honestly, the medical system is horrid. We have some excellent physicians here, but our insurance companies are all owned by huge businesses who wind up making so many of the medical decisions. Business has no place in medicine. Also, ironically, parents are often treated with suspicion in this country, but the U.S. is not exactly a country that cares about its children. Guns and violence run rampant in the schools.
I am in the process of writing a complaint letter. I'm sure the system won't take it seriously, but I do want these offices aware of the monsters they are creating and encouraging.
I also hope that my daughter will be able to stand up and advocate for herself in the medical system here. I think she will eventually be a great self-advocate.
I really love being a creative person, and art really helps soothe me. Watercolor has been a challenge, but it's still new to me, and I definitely am sticking with it, as well as continuing with oils.
Thank you for your kind comment. 😀
I am so sorry to hear about this abusive treatment you and Arielle got from your pediatricians, Beth. It sounds close to medical malpractice. I do remember those days when our wonderful pediatrician (we were blessed that they were also friends and neighbors) asked me to leave the room so they could talk to my kids in private. I respected that, since I also knew that the doctor knew us, and that their kids and ours played together, and our kids felt comfortable in the office and at home. It doesn't mean everything was perfect, but it does mean there was good communication between us.
I haven't thought about that in years but, on reading your story, it seems that is a double blessing. Very grateful--and something to think about talking to my adult children about now that they have kids--and a pediatrician--of their own.
As always, glad you have your art to turn to for creativity therapy and calming.
Thank you so much, Robin. I think it's wonderful that your pediatrician was so understanding and kept the lines of communication open between the parents and the children. That is the way it should be. I totally understand that pediatricians must talk with children without their parents in the room. I get it. But like you say, what happened with Arielle seems close to medical malpractice.
Talking to your adult children sounds like a good idea. I mean, it's understandable that doctors have to keep a lookout for abuse, but that doesn't give them the right to be the abusers.
I appreciate your support. I am so lucky to be able to turn to art to help ease any stress.
There has to be a way to do a better job of taking care of young people well-being, then traumatizing them when it is completely unwarranted. I understand needing to screen for abuse, but you would think healthcare could figure out a better way, you have to wonder if they even involved child psychologists in the decision to screen like this. Reminds me of what happened recently to Pete and Chasten Buttigieg. It sounds like such a violation of your child’s right to be free from fear of being violated.
Alene,
You raise an excellent point about whether child psychologists were even involved with this interrogation process. My gut instinct says that these morally bankrupt physicians did not consult with any psychological experts. And it's really interesting that you bring up the horrific incident with the Buttigiegs. They were treated horribly, and the so-called "authorities" were the ones harming the children.
What happened to Arielle was unforgivable. If I put up a fuss about her being interviewed by the doctor, I'm sure I would be suspected as an abuser. What an asshole medical system we have here.
I have found that a lot of physicians suffer from the Dunning Kruger effect or something similar to that. They develop an arrogance that they are omniscient when it comes to all things health related. I had a discussion with an ER Doctor Who thought he knew everything about prostate cancer, and I informed him of some of the latest developments in treating prostate cancer, and I could tell he was having a hard time with a nurse being more informed than he was. Most physicians should stick to their lane and refer patients out for the appropriate specialized care instead of trying to rely on their specialized knowledge to apply to other specialties. I have found this, especially relevant to mental health matters.
Hi Alene,
I so totally agree. That ER doctor probably felt threatened by you knowing some things about prostate cancer that he didn't know. Arrogant doctors -- absolutely. I've had wonderful down-to-earth doctors, but I have dealt with my share of arrogant physicians who simply don't understand -- or care to understand -- their patients.
And you are right: many of these physicians are completely unclear about mental health issues. I've had several doctors who didn't understand or make an attempt to understand why going to the doctor triggers me, someone who suffers from PTSD, thanks to cancer.
I appreciate all you contribute to this discussion. 😊
How frustrating it must be. I think many doctors are overly cautious or downright suspicious in jumping to conclusions. My sister-in-law's young son was a very active, curious child and would continue to play with such exuberance that would often result in some type of injury. One time he hurt his arm and she took him to the ER and the doctors were accusing her of mistreating him. They did the exact same thing -- dismiss the parents and talk with their son privately. It is such a shame that your daughter has such a negative view of the medical system. I truly hope she finds someone she can trust and overcomes it. Good job on the watercolor painting.
Thank you so much, Nancy, for your support. What happened to your sister-in-law's son and the parents is completely unacceptable! How dare the ER doctors for treating the parents as if they were abusers! Totally infuriating.
I cannot understand why physicians feel they can accurately assess abuse when they are biased against parents to begin with. I am hoping that my daughter will eventually warm to whoever will be her primary care physician. Thank you for your kind wishes.
Oh my goodness Beth, what you're describing here is deeply distressing! I’m so sorry you and your daughter had to endure such horrible treatment. Safeguarding is essential, of course ... but what happened wasn’t safeguarding, it was suspicion without listening, protocol without humanity. The way those paediatricians spoke to you and the fear it created in your daughter ... is not care, it's HARM! And it takes real courage to name it.
You did exactly what a loving parent does: you protected your child, you sought help when she was ill ... and thankfully you kept searching until you found a doctor who treated you both with respect. That matters. Your daughter’s trust in you ... even in the midst of her fear ... speaks volumes about the mother you are. A couple of weeks ago I wrote a little poem that may resonate when you were a young mum, "When the Bad Days Don't Stop."
And then there's that turn ... from stress, tension and paranoia to the beautiful immersive world of Arizona ... a breath of fresh air! I love how watercolours hold such tenderness and your oil version shows your eye for texture and colour. I love that you’re refusing to give up on vibrancy ... there’s something deeply symbolic and healing in that. After everything you’ve been through, you’re still creating beauty, still experimenting, still learning.
Your voice, your honesty and your art all carry a resilience that’s so unmistakably YOU! Bravo! 🙏💖👏🖼️
Oh Deborah,
Thank you so very much for your support and caring. I so appreciate it. I must've missed your poem a few weeks ago, and I am so glad to have read it tonight. It really resonates with me. It is so difficult to keep going, despite the setbacks and tiring days. Your poem makes that so very clear, and I am grateful for it.
Parenting is so very difficult, definitely the most difficult job in the world, and it is made so much more stressful by doctors who are, indeed, causing harm to one's child. The feeling of powerlessness I have felt over the years has been so traumatic.
And I appreciate your encouragement with my art. I am still new at watercolors, so all I can say is I'm learning by doing. My goal is definitely to make my watercolor art more vibrant. I'm remaining patient, as I know that with more experience, vibrancy will come. And art is certainly healing for me.
Thank you for your insightful comment, as always. I so appreciate you, my friend. ❤
I've just read in your reply to Lin that you're writing a letter of complaint and I'm so pleased to hear this. Maybe add a link to this post too, if it helps? Someone needs to know that there were lifelong consequences to those hateful and horrid decisions that forces parents to wait outside the examination room. Love and light, always 💖✨💖
Hi Deborah, yes, I am working on that letter of complaint. Your idea about me adding a link to this essay is a great one, something I will definitely do!
Oh Beth, what a traumatizing experience for both you and your poor daughter. Who knew that pediatricians could be so brutalizing and accusatory! It's a testament to your perseverance and good mothering skills that you were able to skillfully navigate through these non-empathic and often hostile doctors! You would hope that these physicians would be trained to be more compassionate toward their clients! I think you present a really good lesson here for people inasmuch as if you don't like how you are being treated you can "fire" your doctor and move on. That's really taking care of your self (and being the voice for the child who more or less has no say). It's always inspiring to see how you are able to rise up in these very challenging situations and overcome the adversity--just keep pushing forward~!
I love the colors in your Arizona landscape--it brought me back to visiting that state so many years ago when I was a kid. Just gorgeous!
Hi Gerry,
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. As you know, I have fired doctors who mistreated and disrespected me. I had no idea when I was going through all my own medical crap that pediatricians would be worse! They are always on the lookout for abuse, which I totally understand, but their methods of doing so are, in fact, abusive in their own right.
Before my daughter turned 18, I was careful not to report this ill behavior on the part of the pediatricians. If I dared say, for example, I didn't want to leave the room so that my daughter and the doctor could chat, I would look suspicious. And I'm sure the pediatrician would have reported me. So I kept silent.
Now that she's 18, however, I am planning to report both pediatric practices by writing a letter. I hate to call attention to the disgusting operations of these practices, but I feel I need to address this with them.
I'm so very glad you enjoy my Arizona landscape and that it could bring back memories for you. I'm hoping to revise the watercolor version for next week.