Good for you Beth! I too have had to walk away from a couple of toxic relationships in the past year. Usually a people pleaser and peace maker I found it really hard to do. But my Mum died and the grief hit really hard and these people who should have been there to support me were not.
I will connect again with them in time, but for now I'm enjoying the silence.
Relish in your self-care and enjoy your painting ♥️
Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry about your mom and that people who should have shown up for you were not there, especially during this time of intense pain and grief. I find that some people who should show up to support us during key moments of our lives don't do this.
I'm glad you are savoring the silence. Sometimes silence is golden, as they say, and it sounds like this is what you need right now. Silence can be a form of self-care.
Yes, I will continue to paint as my form of self-care. :)
What a beautiful, honest and strong piece of writing, Beth. First of all congratulations on the finishing chemo anniversary. And secondly, isn't it wonderful that you've set appropriate boundaries and when invited to breech them, you don't? That's a great action of self-love.
I once knew a woman who called herself my friend, but was filled with criticisms of me. And I carried those criticisms like the burden they were, heavy, awkward and inaccurate. It was with her, that I learned to set a firm boundary and then walk away. When I did I was amazed by how light I felt. I'd be surprised if I ever heard from her again, but if I did I'd like that I'd take the same action that you did and just not respond.
As for the castle, I have to echo Nancy S.'s comment that I too love the slight lean of the castle. It somehow fits -- an old building that's settled into the earth at an angel. As always, I love seeing your art and reading your pieces. I always come away uplifted. Big hugs.
You're right; setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It took me awhile to practice such self-love, but I'm finally here!
The "friend" who criticized you repeatedly was no friend, as you know. I'm sorry that her criticisms stuck with you for awhile. However, setting that boundary and getting away from her was such a great thing to do.
And thank you for your kind words about my artwork. I see that my readers vehemently are for keeping the castle as is, so I am listening and not reworking the castle's lean.
Thank you so much for your readership and comment. I so appreciate you!
Good for you Beth! And congrats and cheers finishing chemo… that’s huge! I’m so happy for you! 🥰❤️ The fact that two toxic exes reached out so close together is seems even more toxic, even creepy 😅Not responding is the best thing to do…I admire huge strength and how you say your best person is yourself! Beautiful
Self care and affirmation! Bravo and much love, my friend. 😍🥎
Thank you for your kind words and wishes! Yes two exes in a short timeframe is a bit much, and I'm so glad I'm walking away. I so appreciate your support. Sending you love and hugs!
Setting boundaries is an important topic. I've never been abused or in a toxic relationship, so I can't speak to that, but I definitely agree that ignoring toxic people who later try to re-engage is a good idea. So, good for you for doing that. As an introvert, I've done my share of ignoring. I guess that's some kind of boundary setting.
A far less important type of boundary I've had to set over my years of blogging is that I don't tolerate any mean-spirited feedback in comments. Sure, I've been subtlety reprimanded and that sort of thing, but as long as someone is respectful, I always have tried to welcome all viewpoints. If someone crosses the line, swearing or name-calling, for example, (It happens, though rarely) I've deleted their comments and don't engage anymore. I've learned that validating the feelings of someone who disagrees with me does wonders to tamp down nastiness.
Another example is on social media, especially on TikTok for some reason, there are a lot of men who seem to lurk. Creepy. Having said that, many men have cancer, loved ones with cancer, and are also grievers, so I never know who's for real. My boundary is when they message me with a DM that makes me uncomfortable. Then, I immediately block them.
I love the castle as it is. Leaning gives it character, or something. I think Alene's advice for the windows makes sense, but what do I know! I know I love your paintings, though!
I look forward to seeing the next draft. And keep whatever boundaries you need to keep! Great post. Thank you.
The boundaries you put on your blog are really important. One should never accept mean-spirited or out-of-hand comments. I agree that allowing various viewpoints -- when respectfully done -- is acceptable. I also have had people disagree with my points of view, but I did have to block someone who resorted to name calling. Yikes!
I'm not on TikTok, but lurking guys are creepy, whatever the medium. I've blocked men who have hit on me -- and hit on everyone, actually -- on Facebook and I get tired of that crap. It is creepy, but you're right: some guys are decent and do have cancer or have family members, spouses, friends, etc. who happen to have cancer.
Thanks for your input about my castle. You do know a lot! You are right about keeping the castle as it is. It will stay as is. And you and Alene's feedback about the sizes of windows is spot-on. No matter how much art I produce, I am constantly learning, which is a great thing.
Thank you for your comment and for your readership and viewership. I so appreciate you!
Painting- I wouldn’t straighten it too much because if it’s an old building, sometimes they settle into the ground and lean. The only thing I noticed was with the windows on the front building and the back building. I wonder if you could either enlarge the windows on the front building or make the windows on the back building look smaller just to give it more of a sense of depth, but again it’s not necessary because it’s just depends on whether you want it to have the size windows it does now. Nice job on the sky!
As far as boundaries go, I have learned to just say no, and I don’t need to give a reason. I cut someone out of my life completely who was one of my closest friends in high school and college. I didn’t realize how much she was violating my boundaries until I was much older , and I got validation of that from other people who observed her with me and with other people too. Every few years she tries to get back in contact with me and I don’t respond. This is a good reminder to respect our own boundaries because if we were subject to any kind of psychological abuse as kids, we didn’t know how to set boundaries..
Thank you so much, Alene, for your advice on how I can improve my painting. You are right: old buildings settle and are not exactly straight, so I will leave the castle as is in that regard. I will work on adjusting the windows either on the front or back building.
Yes, psychological abuse was my norm through childhood and my marriage so I never had boundaries or had them trampled upon.
It’s so hard to see our own paintings objectively after we’ve been looking at them for hours or days or weeks or months. That’s why it is so important to put your work out there and get input from other people. I welcome your comments on any of my paintings too! 💕
It’s so hard to see our own paintings objectively after we’ve been looking at them for hours or days or weeks or months. That’s why it is so important to put your work out there and get input from other people. I welcome your comments on any of my paintings too! 💕
I love your paintings, and I am happy to give feedback, as I did with the purple cabbage painting awhile ago. It's good we can support each other in our artistic endeavors.
I get happy just looking at this painting! Great job setting boundaries! I know it can be hard sometimes. And many times the best boundary is simply not responding. I don't know if the castle needs to be straightened out. I kinda like it like it is :)
Yes, setting boundaries is certainly difficult, Pam. Toxic people are undeserving of our time.
Thanks so much for your kind words about my painting. Now that I think of it, you are right: the castle doesn't need straightening out. I'm leaving it as is! Thanks for your advice and readership. I hope you are well.
Thank you for sharing in such a raw and honest fashion Beth. I agree, sometimes only walking away will suffice. No one wants to be the one who shuts the final door, but in order to keep boundaries intact, sometime we have to be the ones who assert ourselves and leave the toxic relationship. I applaud you for your bravery in doing so and in sharing this here.
Thank you, Gerry, for you wonderful comment. Setting and maintaining boundaries is quite a challenge, and it draws on our assertiveness and courage, qualities that I lacked for years. Walking away from people who refuse to respect these boundaries is key to maintaining our peace and enjoying life.
Good for you Beth! I too have had to walk away from a couple of toxic relationships in the past year. Usually a people pleaser and peace maker I found it really hard to do. But my Mum died and the grief hit really hard and these people who should have been there to support me were not.
I will connect again with them in time, but for now I'm enjoying the silence.
Relish in your self-care and enjoy your painting ♥️
Jane,
Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry about your mom and that people who should have shown up for you were not there, especially during this time of intense pain and grief. I find that some people who should show up to support us during key moments of our lives don't do this.
I'm glad you are savoring the silence. Sometimes silence is golden, as they say, and it sounds like this is what you need right now. Silence can be a form of self-care.
Yes, I will continue to paint as my form of self-care. :)
What a beautiful, honest and strong piece of writing, Beth. First of all congratulations on the finishing chemo anniversary. And secondly, isn't it wonderful that you've set appropriate boundaries and when invited to breech them, you don't? That's a great action of self-love.
I once knew a woman who called herself my friend, but was filled with criticisms of me. And I carried those criticisms like the burden they were, heavy, awkward and inaccurate. It was with her, that I learned to set a firm boundary and then walk away. When I did I was amazed by how light I felt. I'd be surprised if I ever heard from her again, but if I did I'd like that I'd take the same action that you did and just not respond.
As for the castle, I have to echo Nancy S.'s comment that I too love the slight lean of the castle. It somehow fits -- an old building that's settled into the earth at an angel. As always, I love seeing your art and reading your pieces. I always come away uplifted. Big hugs.
Stephanie,
You're right; setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It took me awhile to practice such self-love, but I'm finally here!
The "friend" who criticized you repeatedly was no friend, as you know. I'm sorry that her criticisms stuck with you for awhile. However, setting that boundary and getting away from her was such a great thing to do.
And thank you for your kind words about my artwork. I see that my readers vehemently are for keeping the castle as is, so I am listening and not reworking the castle's lean.
Thank you so much for your readership and comment. I so appreciate you!
Good for you Beth! And congrats and cheers finishing chemo… that’s huge! I’m so happy for you! 🥰❤️ The fact that two toxic exes reached out so close together is seems even more toxic, even creepy 😅Not responding is the best thing to do…I admire huge strength and how you say your best person is yourself! Beautiful
Self care and affirmation! Bravo and much love, my friend. 😍🥎
Hi Joan,
Thank you for your kind words and wishes! Yes two exes in a short timeframe is a bit much, and I'm so glad I'm walking away. I so appreciate your support. Sending you love and hugs!
Hi Beth,
Setting boundaries is an important topic. I've never been abused or in a toxic relationship, so I can't speak to that, but I definitely agree that ignoring toxic people who later try to re-engage is a good idea. So, good for you for doing that. As an introvert, I've done my share of ignoring. I guess that's some kind of boundary setting.
A far less important type of boundary I've had to set over my years of blogging is that I don't tolerate any mean-spirited feedback in comments. Sure, I've been subtlety reprimanded and that sort of thing, but as long as someone is respectful, I always have tried to welcome all viewpoints. If someone crosses the line, swearing or name-calling, for example, (It happens, though rarely) I've deleted their comments and don't engage anymore. I've learned that validating the feelings of someone who disagrees with me does wonders to tamp down nastiness.
Another example is on social media, especially on TikTok for some reason, there are a lot of men who seem to lurk. Creepy. Having said that, many men have cancer, loved ones with cancer, and are also grievers, so I never know who's for real. My boundary is when they message me with a DM that makes me uncomfortable. Then, I immediately block them.
I love the castle as it is. Leaning gives it character, or something. I think Alene's advice for the windows makes sense, but what do I know! I know I love your paintings, though!
I look forward to seeing the next draft. And keep whatever boundaries you need to keep! Great post. Thank you.
Hi Nancy,
The boundaries you put on your blog are really important. One should never accept mean-spirited or out-of-hand comments. I agree that allowing various viewpoints -- when respectfully done -- is acceptable. I also have had people disagree with my points of view, but I did have to block someone who resorted to name calling. Yikes!
I'm not on TikTok, but lurking guys are creepy, whatever the medium. I've blocked men who have hit on me -- and hit on everyone, actually -- on Facebook and I get tired of that crap. It is creepy, but you're right: some guys are decent and do have cancer or have family members, spouses, friends, etc. who happen to have cancer.
Thanks for your input about my castle. You do know a lot! You are right about keeping the castle as it is. It will stay as is. And you and Alene's feedback about the sizes of windows is spot-on. No matter how much art I produce, I am constantly learning, which is a great thing.
Thank you for your comment and for your readership and viewership. I so appreciate you!
Painting- I wouldn’t straighten it too much because if it’s an old building, sometimes they settle into the ground and lean. The only thing I noticed was with the windows on the front building and the back building. I wonder if you could either enlarge the windows on the front building or make the windows on the back building look smaller just to give it more of a sense of depth, but again it’s not necessary because it’s just depends on whether you want it to have the size windows it does now. Nice job on the sky!
As far as boundaries go, I have learned to just say no, and I don’t need to give a reason. I cut someone out of my life completely who was one of my closest friends in high school and college. I didn’t realize how much she was violating my boundaries until I was much older , and I got validation of that from other people who observed her with me and with other people too. Every few years she tries to get back in contact with me and I don’t respond. This is a good reminder to respect our own boundaries because if we were subject to any kind of psychological abuse as kids, we didn’t know how to set boundaries..
Thank you so much, Alene, for your advice on how I can improve my painting. You are right: old buildings settle and are not exactly straight, so I will leave the castle as is in that regard. I will work on adjusting the windows either on the front or back building.
Yes, psychological abuse was my norm through childhood and my marriage so I never had boundaries or had them trampled upon.
Thank you for your insightful comment. Stay safe.
It’s so hard to see our own paintings objectively after we’ve been looking at them for hours or days or weeks or months. That’s why it is so important to put your work out there and get input from other people. I welcome your comments on any of my paintings too! 💕
It’s so hard to see our own paintings objectively after we’ve been looking at them for hours or days or weeks or months. That’s why it is so important to put your work out there and get input from other people. I welcome your comments on any of my paintings too! 💕
I love your paintings, and I am happy to give feedback, as I did with the purple cabbage painting awhile ago. It's good we can support each other in our artistic endeavors.
I get happy just looking at this painting! Great job setting boundaries! I know it can be hard sometimes. And many times the best boundary is simply not responding. I don't know if the castle needs to be straightened out. I kinda like it like it is :)
Yes, setting boundaries is certainly difficult, Pam. Toxic people are undeserving of our time.
Thanks so much for your kind words about my painting. Now that I think of it, you are right: the castle doesn't need straightening out. I'm leaving it as is! Thanks for your advice and readership. I hope you are well.
Thank you for sharing in such a raw and honest fashion Beth. I agree, sometimes only walking away will suffice. No one wants to be the one who shuts the final door, but in order to keep boundaries intact, sometime we have to be the ones who assert ourselves and leave the toxic relationship. I applaud you for your bravery in doing so and in sharing this here.
Thank you, Gerry, for you wonderful comment. Setting and maintaining boundaries is quite a challenge, and it draws on our assertiveness and courage, qualities that I lacked for years. Walking away from people who refuse to respect these boundaries is key to maintaining our peace and enjoying life.