As I write this post, I am frustrated with my voice. My vocal chords, specifically.
After more than 20 years of teaching college English, I’ve lost my vocal strength. What I have left is a hoarse, raspy voice, one that well-meaning friends have told me sounds sexy, but this offers me no comfort.
Especially since I have two social engagements today. By the end of the day, my voice will squeak.
About a year ago, an ear, nose, and throat specialist checked out my vocal chords and said there were no major problems, just irritated vocal chords. I had voice therapy, which helped a lot. I still have the printed vocal exercises that I am to do daily, but I haven’t done it in months.
So after many lozenges, hot teas with honey and trying to talk less, I am waving my white flag and starting these exercises again soon.
In fact, as I think about voicelessness, I have realized that I’ve been voiceless in ways that don’t involve the vocal chords. I have faced abusive situations inside and outside my former marriage. I’ve often been ignored and shunned for having an opinion, let alone voicing it. In fact, I was often punished for sharing my opinion.
If I were a betting woman, I would bet that many people who once found themselves “voiceless” in the world turned out to be artists, musicians, writers, actors, dancers, gardeners, and so on. Those who have not been able to express themselves often have a true need for self-expression in some form or fashion.
While I love my self-expression activities – such as writing and painting – I also realize there’s this element of my wanting to be heard. I know full well what it’s like to have no voice in the world, and I realize how lucky I am to be a writer and artist who can let her voice be heard.
I’ll try to remember this when I’m drinking hot tea and squeaking tonight after my social engagements that I am so looking forward to. My vocal chords might not be working lately, but my paint brushes will.
Have you ever felt “voiceless”? If so, please feel free to share a time or times when you felt your voice wasn’t heard.
How do you make your voice be heard?
Beth, your voice is so,strong through your writing, despite the squeaks in ambient air. I often felt voiceless in my family, because “children should be seen and not heard.” Yes, my mom actually said that to us. Being a nurse also felt voiceless, except for the patients, who listened. Healthcare employers do not listen to or value nurses’ voices. Writing, painting, running all became outlets for me. I wrote about my experiences in life and that’s how I overcame voicelessness. I guess I am back to doing that now, but I no longer feel voiceless since I am no longer employed in a profession that does not allow its members to have a voice.
We are very blessed to see the fruits of your paint brushes and the insights of your writings, Beth. You've turned the stifling of your voice into works of beauty, and we are the better for it. Thank you for being so open and transparent. Keep up with your vocal exercises as the world needs to hear from you, squeaks and all.