The Quiet Space
A poem
Those of you who have been my readers for a while know about my friendship with Faun. We became fast friends the night we met at a breast cancer support group. Sadly, Faun eventually passed away from metastatic breast cancer.
After four long years of her suffering, it was apparent to both of us that time for her was quickly running out. As her health deteriorated, I spent many days at her hospital bedside. Although we conversed, much of our time together was spent in comfortable silence. If she slept, I would read, grade papers, or simply take the time to reflect.
The following poem about Faun and me is a pantoum. This type of poem is uniquely structured in that certain lines are repeated, creating different shades of meaning as the poem continues. My poet friend Robin Payes inspired me to try writing a pantoum. To learn more about this form of poetry, please see Robin’s excellent post titled the spirit of ‘26.
The Quiet Space
The quiet space
at a young friend’s bedside, sleep’s prequel sent
an act of mercy. But the wintry torment,
metastasis, unsettles the quiet grace
at a young friend’s bedside, sleep’s prequel sent
the still grief,
metastasis, unsettles the quiet grace
between my sleeping friend and me
the still grief,
the quiet mourning, the light
between my sleeping friend and me
a soft whisper, muffled in the snow
the quiet mourning, the light
an act of mercy. But the wintry torment,
a soft whisper, muffled in the snow
The quiet space
The Process
This is the first poem I’ve written in 20 years. I’ve recently published a couple of my poems in a literary journal, but they are older works still relevant today.
Twenty years ago – and only five months after Faun’s death – found me working on a book of breast cancer poetry that I hoped would resonate with others. I was literally writing the poems when my oncologist called me, saying that a recent MRI showed a mass in the breast that had previously had cancer.
I stopped writing poetry.
Luckily, biopsy results showed the mass was scar tissue. But I still couldn’t write poetry again. Until now.
The Quiet Space was challenging to write. I attempted this structured poem a few times and kept giving up. Finally, I sat down and created this pantoum. Thank you, Robin, for giving me much-needed encouragement with this endeavor.
Last week, I started painting a cloud, and this week I had two surprises: I completed the painting rather quickly and signed it (see below), and a happy accident occurred (see last photo). I used thicker globs of paint on this artwork than I usually do.
Art remains my salvation. In this case, both poem and painting help me remember a special friendship that can never be forgotten.
Beth, this is so moving ... such a tender, steady holding of love, loss, and the quiet rituals that remain. Oh, I’m delighted that you’ve reached for poetry’s pen again! "The Quiet Space" is ab-soul-utely beautiful, and it carries Faun’s presence with such grace.
And I love how your latest painting echoes the poem’s spirit ... for both seem to be shaped by what emerges when you let things be, letting the quiet reveal its own landscape. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful art and your beautiful heart with us. 🙏💖
This is profoundly beautiful Beth. Thank you for sharing something so intimate and luminous.