Sweating the Small Stuff

Stress can help us meet the moment.

When I was a journalist for trade magazines, I obsessed about dreaded being the interviewer. A natural introvert, I was plagued by the anxiety of speaking via phone to the people I’d be interviewing. I was especially nervous to meet them in person on business trips. I wanted to make a good impression, ask meaningful questions, and not feel awkward. I was initially afraid that others would not want to speak with me, or that they would see me as nosy and prying into their lives or the details of their businesses.

But, looking back, I can now see that such anxiety was a catalyst to improving my self-confidence. I was motivated to prepare for each interview. I had no choice but to overcome my fears – irrational or otherwise – in order to ask productive questions that would not only help me write my articles, but helped me forge solid, positive, long-lasting relationships with others.

Years later I became the interviewee.

Over the years, I have been approached by various media outlets to tell my story. While I always thought my story was worth sharing – which is why I was happy to share it publicly in the first place – my tension meter remained high prior to my interaction with reporters on television or online. During my anxious pre-interview musings, I exhausted all the ways I could make mistakes. And adding to the tension was my trying to figure out what to wear to look as professional as possible.

As was the case when I was the interviewer, I remembered to just be myself.

Such media appearances would help me grow as a person, as well as help me hone my speaking and interpersonal skills. My anxiety became a springboard from which my message could be best communicated.

Anxiety and stress can be good in terms of helping a person grow. If I refused to challenge myself, then I would remain static. I opt for challenging myself rather than allowing fear to take the reins.

This week, I faced another challenge: this time to try creating a watercolor landscape and showcase it here on Substack. I felt a bit stressed and unsure of myself before and during painting, as I have felt that my watercolor landscapes never quite have worked out. I decided to do the same Arizonascape as I am working on with oils because I’d already been familiarizing myself with it. As I painted, I kept telling myself that I am a beginner with watercolors and to be patient. The result is below:

All I can say is that this watercolor landscape is better than the other ones I’ve attempted. I am making progress, never perfection, and this satisfies me. I wish I could get the colors to be more vibrant, but I know this is a quality that will take me time to understand and implement. And an idea just occurred to me as I’m writing this post; perhaps I should try to watercolor a landscape in several sessions, rather than just one. After all, this is what I often do in oils.

Below is the latest landscape in oils:

I’m trying to create billowing clouds to add interest to the sky. I like the “happy accident,” the intense blue on the lower left, right next to the mountain. Even though it is a different blue than the rest of the sky, for some reason, it’s speaking to me, and I’m happy with it. I am trying to add depth to the mountain. I haven’t yet worked on the greenery.

The oil painting is not yet finished, but as always, I am enjoying the process – both with watercolors and oils.