Self-Talk
Conversations in my head
I often think about the things we tell ourselves. Sometimes we are overly negative. Other times, we are even-keeled or even positive. But if you were inside my head this week as I oil painted my latest nude draft, you’d have heard all types of voices going on at once.
My moods have swung from confident to jubilant to fearful to sad. Overall, I am really pleased that the figure is shaping up so well. She’s starting to look more three-dimensional and muscular, and this draft has gone much easier than I anticipated. I keep telling myself, “You got this.” But then fear creeps in, and I worry that I am not up to the task of painting this figure.
I had to block out the fact that I would be working on fabric, which promises to be challenging. That’s an understatement. Even though the artistic process was going well, I had to talk myself through each step, assuring myself that all will be okay.
As I faced the completed second painted draft, I realized that, ultimately, the painting will be fine. I realized that it’s essential I do the work and show up at the canvas. Because creating these figures helps me and, just as important, they may help others in the breast cancer community.
So I continue:
For this draft, I highlighted the darks and lights to give the figure a three-dimensional form. Her left foot is less wonky than in the previous draft. I really want to capture her lean to the right, which was how the model posed for our figure drawing class all those years ago. Finally, her short hair will have various colors, as well as curls. You can see some evidence of that starting with this draft. I still must rework the figure, adding more darks and lights.
Because the figure has such a dramatic presence, I painted her on a larger canvas than I’m accustomed to – 18 inches by 24 inches. I’m overall scared of larger canvases, so tackling this fear took me a great leap forward.
Next week, I hope to continue with this necessary work. I will also venture to work on a landscape. I am looking forward to both.
We just keep riding the waves. That’s all we need to do. Looking great, Beth!
Does anyone's creative process come without the roller coaster ride of doubts and fears? We keep working at something and tweaking it to get to place where we can own it and call it good work. I love how you share your process, it's a good mirror for me. Creating something, making something, it's a slog, a worthy slog. And I like "seeing" the development and process of your art.