On Our Own Terms

10 tips for living intentionally – and some art

Living intentionally requires being present and making thoughtful, deliberate decisions about how we will live our lives. A form of self-empowerment, a purposeful lifestyle involves living on one’s own terms rather than existing according to others' dictates.

Far too many people have suffered the slings and arrows of harsh judgement and treatment by others. And we should not forget about past mistreatments. But being deliberate about how we embrace life can help us better deal with the present and future, critical components to a life well-lived. For many, conscious living is well within our control.

So, dear readers, here are some ways I am trying to enhance my life through purposeful living. These methods are working for me thus far, and maybe some will work for you. And maybe you already employ these methods or apply conscious living in another way. Please feel free to comment on these and/or other methods you use that are not included in this essay.

Eating healthy foods. As you know from a recent post, I am tackling my health issues with healthier food choices. This is not a spur-of-the-moment, temporary change, or even a diet, but a permanent lifestyle change. And I’m loving it.

Exercising. I am going to the gym again after a hiatus. Whether you belong to a gym, do yoga, or take walks through nature, many types of movement are good for emotional and physical health.

Protecting mental health. Guarding your mental health is paramount, whether it be through methods such as psychotherapy, journaling, and medications if applicable. I use all three. Exercising also helps boost positive mental health.

Choosing relationships wisely. This is one of the best self-care actions. I’ve been in more harmful relationships (ex-husband, certain faux friends) than I care to admit. Most of us get sucked into some form of toxic relationship(s) at some time(s) in our lives. We must detach ourselves from toxic people, as they are harmful to our psyche and even our physical health.

Living in the present. I have a bad habit and must come clean. I live on the edge of the past and future, which hold so much of my angst and worry, respectively. I have found guided imagery meditation so helpful to slow down my 100-mile-per-hour feelings of past regrets and anxiety about the future. Being mindful of the present is challenging, but so necessary to embracing deliberate living.

Balancing leisure and work life. I have a history of allowing bosses and companies to dictate how much I should’ve been working, to the point that each job became an abusive white collar sweatshop. For many of my work years, I had no idea what leisure time was. Now, I make sure to balance work and leisure, for the latter is far more valuable.

Setting and maintaining boundaries. This one has been really difficult to do throughout my life. Somehow, a good number of people feel it is acceptable to impinge on others’ boundaries. For years, I was too scared to set boundaries because I was afraid to make others uncomfortable or even angry.

I eventually was able to set them, but some individuals felt it was well within their right to disregard my boundaries. I would set these offenders straight. The repeat offenders – ones who violated my boundaries despite my objections – are no longer a part of my life.

Embracing loved ones. Whether your special people are your relational family or chosen family (i.e., friends), embrace and include them as a critical part of your life. We need to appreciate the good people who’ve made a positive difference in our lives. It’s taken years for me to build a group of wonderful, supportive people who joyously cheer me on and, when I need it, cheer me up. And I enthusiastically support them as well. I am lucky to be surrounded by like-minded (that doesn’t mean we always agree) individuals who are so indispensable to me.

Enjoying your own company. While beneficial friends and family members are key to living our best life, let’s not forget to enjoy the beauty of solitude. I am lucky to feel extremely comfortable with and enjoy my own company. I love taking walks by myself, and I’m lucky to have many solitary pursuits.

I have learned the power of one. Solitary does not mean lonely. In fact, even if I’m alone while my daughter is in school, for example, I am never lonely. And when she comes home, I am happy to be with her.

Carving out time each day to do what you love. No matter how difficult your day is, carving out time – even 15 minutes – doing something you enjoy is crucial. It's vital that we be kind to ourselves through essential self-care. The number of activities is endless: doing yoga, getting a massage, meditating, journaling, reading, dancing, learning a language, taking walks, surrounding oneself with nature, listening to music, taking a spa bath, and so on. We need to have purpose, and living life deliberately by doing what we love gives us purpose.

Despite my busy schedule, I carve out time to participate in my favorite activities, such as reading, writing in many forms including journaling, exercising, and my favorite activity of all – creating art.

While I mostly display oil paintings on my Substack, I have been missing sketching on paper with graphite as of late. It’s a skill that takes much practice, and I’ve been away from this practice for years, but I’d like to sketch more often, as well as continue oil painting. Below is my sketch of my oldest nephew – based on a reference photo – done many years ago when he was a boy:

It’s been awhile since I sketched, so I’m going to try again, knowing that the first several attempts might be rough around the edges – and in between. My 16-year-old daughter sketches way better than me, not that this is a competition (okay, maybe a friendly competition), but we enjoy working on our individual works at the same time. With her permission, her self-portrait is at the end of this post.

I’d be a fool if I let my pride get in the way of learning from her. She has amazing knowledge about art, and I don’t hesitate to ask for her advice. I’m proud of her and so glad she’s an artist, too.

When she was a young child, she followed in my footsteps. Now it’s time for me to follow in hers.