It took courage to leave that abusive marriage--especially while combatting cancer. Abusive people are often adept at hiding their true selves, until the relationship shows them for who they really are. I'm sure finding the strength to claim your authentic self by leaving him wasn't easy. I so admire you for taking that difficult step--especially on hearing that you had never lived alone before.
Equally, it takes strength to share your story--with the movers, through your blog, and now with us. Thank you for trusting in this community to hold you with care.
I am so glad you are finally living your best life--you so deserve it! I know you've often written, and shown, how your artistry and creativity has been such a lifeline. A healing journey often stops with one small step. Seems like you've been taking giant leaps!
Robin, thank you so much for your supportive comment. I so appreciate you.
You are so right about abusive people hiding themselves well from their partners. It's a phenomenon that strikes true. Interestingly, while I had never lived alone prior to our separation, it was in living alone where I achieved so much growth. I think I finally was able to be at peace with myself and find out who I really was.
I am so grateful for this supportive Substack community, and I am glad I shared my story. Yes, art has been my lifeline, and I'm happy to take those giant leaps. :)
Beth, this is such a deeply honest piece. Thank you for sharing this so openly. It will resonate with so many who are finding their way through endings toward something new.
Thank you so much for your kind comment. I love how you put it:I "t will resonate with so many who are finding their way through endings toward something new." Change for many people is never easy. It was so difficult for me to end this relationship, but it was the only way I could save myself.
Beth, it tears my heart out that sometimes we choose a life partner who cannot see who we are. But then not only do we see the light, we become the light. And that is the transformation you tell about in this touching piece about redemption. I think of all those misspent years when I was in imbalanced relationships trying to "find myself and my strength" in my partner! How misguided I was then. I was not taking the time to employ self-care and love myself enough to save myself. I couldn't imagine then what it might be like to have a partner on equal terms with me--where we would nurture each other as we took care of ourselves. Your story really moved me and brought back those deep reflections. When you ex-husband threw away your painting supplies, it had to be an epiphany for you--and never again will you allow that to happen! Thanks you for sharing this piece Beth--I'm so proud of you--you've come so far and restored the beautiful artist within you. I found your essay to be healing for me as well.
Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, somehow many of us endure difficult relationships that lack balance. It unfortunately requires years to gain the insight we need to make self-care the priority. It upsets me that you have gone through periods where self-care and self-love were lacking. As you can see by my story, I pretty much invested so much time in a destructive relationship. I was young when I met him, and I spent 20 years of my youth on him.
But it's never too late to nurture ourselves and love ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we have. I love what you said so beautifully in your comment: "But then not only do we see the light, we become the light." You have become the light for me, Gerry, and I value our friendship so very much. Xo
I'm sorry you had to endure such insensitivity, no cruelty, from your ex. I'm glad you left him. Good riddance. Did you ever hear from him again?
Look at you now! You've created a wonderful life for you and your daughter, too. You sharing your story and your art will inspire others, I just know it. Someone out there will read this and be encouraged - whether it be regarding leaving a relationship, dealing with cancer, or reclaiming a love of art.
I like what Stephanie said, that yours is a heroine's journey - you answered the call of your heart. Not everyone is brave enough to do that, and who doesn't need encouragement? You give that so generously.
Thank you for always sharing with such candor, for encouraging your readers, and for sharing your passion for art, my friend.
Yes, cruelty is the word for what he put me through. Thank you for your support. Though his cruelty occurred years ago, I still feel the need to write about it, as it is such an essential part of my story. Ironically, some people harshly judged me for leaving him because I "didn't value marriage enough." What BS.
It's interesting that you asked whether I ever heard from him again. About a year and a half ago, I received a letter from him, after all these years, where he said he hopes I'm cancer free -- then he proceeded to fill the letter with lies about his supposed romantic interludes. It truly made me sick because he became a huge liar after our marriage. My instinct was to write him back a nastygram, but I decided not to engage with him. Not writing him back was the best thing. I haven't heard from him again, but I stowed the letter away in a drawer.
You are so right about my creating a beautiful life for me and my daughter. Life has been so good to me, and I really have nothing to regret at this point.
Thanks to you and Stephanie for all your kind words. As you know, sharing our stories is so important. And I appreciate your compliment on my watercolor cherries. They were fun to paint!
Yours is the heroine's journey, answering the call of your heart. The chaos of suffering and finding courage formed and inspired you to be true to yourself. Your voice matters and your story matters -- by sharing here so honestly, you help uplift others. I feel grateful to know you and follow your artistic path. Your friend and forever fan, Stephanie XO
Wow! How far you’ve come, dear Beth!! I want to say that upfront, because I hear you and feel how hard that was for you. To have moved out and found your way to move onward with a new place, new wardrobe, and new art classes is truly brave. Especially in the face of battling and surviving cancer. All of that took true courage and determination and strength.
And it takes courage to share that story now, too. I’m glad you heard some words of encouragement from the mover to help you move onward. And I’m glad you’re here now and telling your story to help others who might need to see some light and hope for themselves. Your words and art are inspiring to me and others to keep going.
Oh my gosh, your comment moved me so much. I am so glad that horrible nightmare is in the past. Lots of stressors at the time. Of course, cancer and divorce were two incredible stressors. Yet there were good stressors, like finding my way in art, finding a new place to live -- and what I didn't say in my essay -- was I found an incredible new job, too. I am since retired from that place of employment, but I'm grateful for all the good things that came my way.
Thank you so much for saying that my story helps others. I hope I can help others navigate out of the darkness. And, yes, all we can do is to keep going.
I'm sad and happy at the same time to read your essay Beth. How could your ex be so callous especially when you're at your most vulnerable - in basic terms you were 'well rid' yet I can understand how that divorce felt like a death at the time. Whenever we're in the mire of a trauma or challenging times it's so hard to see the future in a positive light, but your divorce now is one you can celebrate as you state so clearly... it set you free! And with that I'm so happy for you.
I love your new painting - I think you've caught the cherries just right and really they're a great metaphor for your art, after all they're the cherry on your creative cake! 😊
I so appreciate your thoughtful, kind comment. Yes, that period of time was the darkest part of my life, and my husband was definitely cruel, something I never thought he'd become. I knew intellectually when we got separated and divorced that I was better off without him, but prior to my moving out, I never lived alone and in some strange way was psychologically still attached to him.
You are right: the divorce set me free. I guess I had to hit a low, dark point before I could hit a lighter point in my life. And I'm so glad I did. The dark part of my life has made me appreciate the content life I have now.
Thank you for sharing my essay and for your kind words about my paintings. Yes, they are surely the right metaphor!
That had to be so rough for you, but I commend you in rising above it and pushing on. It takes a lot of strength to do that. Something that I did not have. I was married for 41 years but stuck at it even though I was miserable in my marriage. The day I decided to leave my first husband, he became very ill and he died 3 weeks later. That is the truth. God must have been watching out for me. Your cherries look lovely and good enough to eat. You've come a long way and it appears you are in your happy zone.
I appreciate your comment and your candor. I'm sure that although you were married for 41 years, you also are a strong, courageous person. It's so difficult to seek a divorce, but it's also difficult to stay in a miserable marriage. The key is not to judge yourself for staying in the marriage for so long -- although I'm sure that at times, it may be difficult not to judge yourself. In fact, you were going to leave, but then he died.
Timing is everything, and I do believe that we live a purposeful life. Let's say you left your marriage 20 years earlier. Chances are you might never have crossed paths with your current husband.
Thank you for your compliment on my cherries. I think so many of us have come a long way. And, yes, I am content with my life. ❤😀
Thanks so much for your comments. I really appreciate it. And you are absolutely right on timing. I probably would not have been in a place to meet Leo, and also not in the right frame of mind.
Thanks for sharing the truth of where you were and how you’ve grown. I’m so glad you got out of that marriage where you were treated so poorly, it hurts to hear how awful he was. Creativity in all forms is what allows us to survive this life and all the pitfalls and worse. You’ve allowed yourself to tap into that gift, and through you, the world is better for it.
Going through chemo and radiation while working two jobs (a full- and part-time job) was so damn hard, and the support person at the American Cancer Society told me that she couldn't believe I was still standing. But truth is, what choice did I have? I was in survival mode -- just hanging in there day by day. We needed the money to pay the mortgage and other things. By the way, he also stole a lot of the money that I was earning. What an ass!
After cancer treatment, I decided that enough was enough, and I got rid of that loser.
Yes, creativity helps us cope better with all aspects of life. You and I are both so lucky to have art. I am beyond grateful to have you in my sphere.
A wonderful essay, Beth. I’m saddened and angry that your husband did not take care of you during your cancer treatment. That is beyond callous; it’s cruel. Although I lost my husband to death, not divorce, I so identify with the Doritos dinners. I’ve had potato chips and red wine some nights. And sunk into sorrow and loss, not to mention self-pity. Congratulations on living your best life. The watercolor is beautiful. Life may not be a bowl of cherries, but you have something better: a rich, creative life, surrounded by people who love you.
Thank you so much for your caring comment. I so appreciate it. When it comes to my ex-husband, what confounded me was we were seriously committed to each other four years before we were married, and there were only signs of kindness. One thinks they know someone, only to find out that either the person changed upon marriage, or was a con artist all along. He was a combination of both, I think.
After cancer treatment, I did a lot of soul searching and concluded that I didn't fight to live, just to exist in a hellish marriage. And that was the catalyst for the end of this relationship.
Thank you for your kind words about the cherries. Yes, I am lucky to be living a creative, wonderful life.
I am so very sorry about your husband's death. Grief never leaves, but the presence of great grief is proof that there was great love.
Dear Beth, your heartfelt story is so tenderly told and it carries the weight of everything you’ve survived with such quiet, steadfast strength. The way you guide us through the grief, the shock, the loneliness and then the slow and brave re‑colouring of your life is profoundly moving.
I’m in awe of how you reclaimed yourself ... through friendship, art, nourishment and the simple courage of choosing joy. Thank you so much for sharing a journey that reminds us how healing can arrive in unexpected forms and how a life can bloom beautifully after being broken open.
Reading your words brought me back to my own separation and divorce nearly thirty years ago. A young mother coming out as gay with two small children at a time when society had very little room for that truth. It was painful and bewildering, yet I too can say, I’m living my best life now. 🙏💖
Thank you, as always, for your beautiful words of support. As unlucky as I felt at the time, the truth is that I was very lucky -- to have survived, to have great friends, and to have rediscovered art and returned to it.
Yes, at the time when one's heart breaks, it feels like things will always feel broken. Going through the storm feels horrible and fuels belief that the storm will last forever -- and the pain will last forever. But as we both know, going through such pain and hardship is temporary, but it forges long-lasting courage.
I'm so heartened by the steps you took to find your true self. It sounds like it was so difficult, given society's attitudes back then. I admire your courage and candor. And I am so happy you now are living your best life. ❤
Thanks so much, Beth. We didn't just survive, we thrived! I'm so happy our paths crossed ... for meeting another kindred spirit here has been the cherry on my cake! 🙏💖🍒
Dear Beth,
It took courage to leave that abusive marriage--especially while combatting cancer. Abusive people are often adept at hiding their true selves, until the relationship shows them for who they really are. I'm sure finding the strength to claim your authentic self by leaving him wasn't easy. I so admire you for taking that difficult step--especially on hearing that you had never lived alone before.
Equally, it takes strength to share your story--with the movers, through your blog, and now with us. Thank you for trusting in this community to hold you with care.
I am so glad you are finally living your best life--you so deserve it! I know you've often written, and shown, how your artistry and creativity has been such a lifeline. A healing journey often stops with one small step. Seems like you've been taking giant leaps!
Robin, thank you so much for your supportive comment. I so appreciate you.
You are so right about abusive people hiding themselves well from their partners. It's a phenomenon that strikes true. Interestingly, while I had never lived alone prior to our separation, it was in living alone where I achieved so much growth. I think I finally was able to be at peace with myself and find out who I really was.
I am so grateful for this supportive Substack community, and I am glad I shared my story. Yes, art has been my lifeline, and I'm happy to take those giant leaps. :)
Amazing, Beth! I know how sometimes the journey may feel hard, but the growth is worth the effort.
Beth, this is such a deeply honest piece. Thank you for sharing this so openly. It will resonate with so many who are finding their way through endings toward something new.
Hi Marie,
Thank you so much for your kind comment. I love how you put it:I "t will resonate with so many who are finding their way through endings toward something new." Change for many people is never easy. It was so difficult for me to end this relationship, but it was the only way I could save myself.
Beth, it tears my heart out that sometimes we choose a life partner who cannot see who we are. But then not only do we see the light, we become the light. And that is the transformation you tell about in this touching piece about redemption. I think of all those misspent years when I was in imbalanced relationships trying to "find myself and my strength" in my partner! How misguided I was then. I was not taking the time to employ self-care and love myself enough to save myself. I couldn't imagine then what it might be like to have a partner on equal terms with me--where we would nurture each other as we took care of ourselves. Your story really moved me and brought back those deep reflections. When you ex-husband threw away your painting supplies, it had to be an epiphany for you--and never again will you allow that to happen! Thanks you for sharing this piece Beth--I'm so proud of you--you've come so far and restored the beautiful artist within you. I found your essay to be healing for me as well.
Dear Gerry,
Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, somehow many of us endure difficult relationships that lack balance. It unfortunately requires years to gain the insight we need to make self-care the priority. It upsets me that you have gone through periods where self-care and self-love were lacking. As you can see by my story, I pretty much invested so much time in a destructive relationship. I was young when I met him, and I spent 20 years of my youth on him.
But it's never too late to nurture ourselves and love ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we have. I love what you said so beautifully in your comment: "But then not only do we see the light, we become the light." You have become the light for me, Gerry, and I value our friendship so very much. Xo
Hi Beth,
I'm sorry you had to endure such insensitivity, no cruelty, from your ex. I'm glad you left him. Good riddance. Did you ever hear from him again?
Look at you now! You've created a wonderful life for you and your daughter, too. You sharing your story and your art will inspire others, I just know it. Someone out there will read this and be encouraged - whether it be regarding leaving a relationship, dealing with cancer, or reclaiming a love of art.
I like what Stephanie said, that yours is a heroine's journey - you answered the call of your heart. Not everyone is brave enough to do that, and who doesn't need encouragement? You give that so generously.
Thank you for always sharing with such candor, for encouraging your readers, and for sharing your passion for art, my friend.
And, the cherries watercolor is lovely.
Hi Nancy,
Thank you so much for your supportive comment.
Yes, cruelty is the word for what he put me through. Thank you for your support. Though his cruelty occurred years ago, I still feel the need to write about it, as it is such an essential part of my story. Ironically, some people harshly judged me for leaving him because I "didn't value marriage enough." What BS.
It's interesting that you asked whether I ever heard from him again. About a year and a half ago, I received a letter from him, after all these years, where he said he hopes I'm cancer free -- then he proceeded to fill the letter with lies about his supposed romantic interludes. It truly made me sick because he became a huge liar after our marriage. My instinct was to write him back a nastygram, but I decided not to engage with him. Not writing him back was the best thing. I haven't heard from him again, but I stowed the letter away in a drawer.
You are so right about my creating a beautiful life for me and my daughter. Life has been so good to me, and I really have nothing to regret at this point.
Thanks to you and Stephanie for all your kind words. As you know, sharing our stories is so important. And I appreciate your compliment on my watercolor cherries. They were fun to paint!
Yours is the heroine's journey, answering the call of your heart. The chaos of suffering and finding courage formed and inspired you to be true to yourself. Your voice matters and your story matters -- by sharing here so honestly, you help uplift others. I feel grateful to know you and follow your artistic path. Your friend and forever fan, Stephanie XO
Dear Stephanie,
Thank you for your incredibly generous words. I so appreciate them. I am likewise grateful for you -- always.
Wow! How far you’ve come, dear Beth!! I want to say that upfront, because I hear you and feel how hard that was for you. To have moved out and found your way to move onward with a new place, new wardrobe, and new art classes is truly brave. Especially in the face of battling and surviving cancer. All of that took true courage and determination and strength.
And it takes courage to share that story now, too. I’m glad you heard some words of encouragement from the mover to help you move onward. And I’m glad you’re here now and telling your story to help others who might need to see some light and hope for themselves. Your words and art are inspiring to me and others to keep going.
Hi Susan,
Oh my gosh, your comment moved me so much. I am so glad that horrible nightmare is in the past. Lots of stressors at the time. Of course, cancer and divorce were two incredible stressors. Yet there were good stressors, like finding my way in art, finding a new place to live -- and what I didn't say in my essay -- was I found an incredible new job, too. I am since retired from that place of employment, but I'm grateful for all the good things that came my way.
Thank you so much for saying that my story helps others. I hope I can help others navigate out of the darkness. And, yes, all we can do is to keep going.
Your best life has started! Enjoy it as much as you can allow yourself to just be the new best version of you!
Hi Filianna,
Thank you for your comment; I so appreciate it. You are right: my best life is here, and I am so happy to be living it!
I'm sad and happy at the same time to read your essay Beth. How could your ex be so callous especially when you're at your most vulnerable - in basic terms you were 'well rid' yet I can understand how that divorce felt like a death at the time. Whenever we're in the mire of a trauma or challenging times it's so hard to see the future in a positive light, but your divorce now is one you can celebrate as you state so clearly... it set you free! And with that I'm so happy for you.
I love your new painting - I think you've caught the cherries just right and really they're a great metaphor for your art, after all they're the cherry on your creative cake! 😊
Hi Lin,
I so appreciate your thoughtful, kind comment. Yes, that period of time was the darkest part of my life, and my husband was definitely cruel, something I never thought he'd become. I knew intellectually when we got separated and divorced that I was better off without him, but prior to my moving out, I never lived alone and in some strange way was psychologically still attached to him.
You are right: the divorce set me free. I guess I had to hit a low, dark point before I could hit a lighter point in my life. And I'm so glad I did. The dark part of my life has made me appreciate the content life I have now.
Thank you for sharing my essay and for your kind words about my paintings. Yes, they are surely the right metaphor!
That had to be so rough for you, but I commend you in rising above it and pushing on. It takes a lot of strength to do that. Something that I did not have. I was married for 41 years but stuck at it even though I was miserable in my marriage. The day I decided to leave my first husband, he became very ill and he died 3 weeks later. That is the truth. God must have been watching out for me. Your cherries look lovely and good enough to eat. You've come a long way and it appears you are in your happy zone.
Hi Nancy,
I appreciate your comment and your candor. I'm sure that although you were married for 41 years, you also are a strong, courageous person. It's so difficult to seek a divorce, but it's also difficult to stay in a miserable marriage. The key is not to judge yourself for staying in the marriage for so long -- although I'm sure that at times, it may be difficult not to judge yourself. In fact, you were going to leave, but then he died.
Timing is everything, and I do believe that we live a purposeful life. Let's say you left your marriage 20 years earlier. Chances are you might never have crossed paths with your current husband.
Thank you for your compliment on my cherries. I think so many of us have come a long way. And, yes, I am content with my life. ❤😀
Thanks so much for your comments. I really appreciate it. And you are absolutely right on timing. I probably would not have been in a place to meet Leo, and also not in the right frame of mind.
Thanks for sharing the truth of where you were and how you’ve grown. I’m so glad you got out of that marriage where you were treated so poorly, it hurts to hear how awful he was. Creativity in all forms is what allows us to survive this life and all the pitfalls and worse. You’ve allowed yourself to tap into that gift, and through you, the world is better for it.
Oh thank you, Alene, for your kind comment.
Going through chemo and radiation while working two jobs (a full- and part-time job) was so damn hard, and the support person at the American Cancer Society told me that she couldn't believe I was still standing. But truth is, what choice did I have? I was in survival mode -- just hanging in there day by day. We needed the money to pay the mortgage and other things. By the way, he also stole a lot of the money that I was earning. What an ass!
After cancer treatment, I decided that enough was enough, and I got rid of that loser.
Yes, creativity helps us cope better with all aspects of life. You and I are both so lucky to have art. I am beyond grateful to have you in my sphere.
A wonderful essay, Beth. I’m saddened and angry that your husband did not take care of you during your cancer treatment. That is beyond callous; it’s cruel. Although I lost my husband to death, not divorce, I so identify with the Doritos dinners. I’ve had potato chips and red wine some nights. And sunk into sorrow and loss, not to mention self-pity. Congratulations on living your best life. The watercolor is beautiful. Life may not be a bowl of cherries, but you have something better: a rich, creative life, surrounded by people who love you.
Hi Mary,
Thank you so much for your caring comment. I so appreciate it. When it comes to my ex-husband, what confounded me was we were seriously committed to each other four years before we were married, and there were only signs of kindness. One thinks they know someone, only to find out that either the person changed upon marriage, or was a con artist all along. He was a combination of both, I think.
After cancer treatment, I did a lot of soul searching and concluded that I didn't fight to live, just to exist in a hellish marriage. And that was the catalyst for the end of this relationship.
Thank you for your kind words about the cherries. Yes, I am lucky to be living a creative, wonderful life.
I am so very sorry about your husband's death. Grief never leaves, but the presence of great grief is proof that there was great love.
Sending you virtual hugs. ❤
Hugs to you, too, Beth. Sending love.💛
Dear Beth, your heartfelt story is so tenderly told and it carries the weight of everything you’ve survived with such quiet, steadfast strength. The way you guide us through the grief, the shock, the loneliness and then the slow and brave re‑colouring of your life is profoundly moving.
I’m in awe of how you reclaimed yourself ... through friendship, art, nourishment and the simple courage of choosing joy. Thank you so much for sharing a journey that reminds us how healing can arrive in unexpected forms and how a life can bloom beautifully after being broken open.
Reading your words brought me back to my own separation and divorce nearly thirty years ago. A young mother coming out as gay with two small children at a time when society had very little room for that truth. It was painful and bewildering, yet I too can say, I’m living my best life now. 🙏💖
Dear Deborah,
Thank you, as always, for your beautiful words of support. As unlucky as I felt at the time, the truth is that I was very lucky -- to have survived, to have great friends, and to have rediscovered art and returned to it.
Yes, at the time when one's heart breaks, it feels like things will always feel broken. Going through the storm feels horrible and fuels belief that the storm will last forever -- and the pain will last forever. But as we both know, going through such pain and hardship is temporary, but it forges long-lasting courage.
I'm so heartened by the steps you took to find your true self. It sounds like it was so difficult, given society's attitudes back then. I admire your courage and candor. And I am so happy you now are living your best life. ❤
Thanks so much, Beth. We didn't just survive, we thrived! I'm so happy our paths crossed ... for meeting another kindred spirit here has been the cherry on my cake! 🙏💖🍒